Monday, March 2, 2015

Spencer: Four Months

My Spencey,

So fun to watch your little quirky changes happening. You are such a funny, sweet baby. 

You made your first overnight trip to Greenville this past weekend with Momma. You did beautifully. You slept in the car and when you were awake, you were watching the trees pass in a furious pace out your window with such intent. 

You loved being around other babies and all of the roaming toddlers who came to give you sugar and smiles. Dadda sure did miss you though. 

We're working on crib training. Let's sum this process up with two words: baby steps. I'm positive we'll get there when you're ready. 

You're starting to take more interest in your toys. And by interest I mean you want to coat them in your drool and then eat them. 

We've starting reading books at night, as we're trying to implement a bedtime routine, now. You're very first book we read togther? "Guess How Much I Love You." It's where you first learned of one-upping. 

Here's something new: you've mastered the fake cough. You know, where you lay it on preeeeetty thick to see if I come running when you're needing attention. The sneakiness starts already, huh? I'm onto you. 

You're meeting new people all the time. Important people in your parent's lives. It's so so amazing to see our great friends holding you. Soup for the soul. 

Other firsts this past month: 

*First twerk (Someone twerked while holding you. But not on someone else, in the air. I'm not a monster!) 
*First TV interview (You slept. Not impressed.) 
*First birthday party (You loved being social.) 
*First time sleeping in crib (30 minutes counts!) 

And perhaps my favorite new thing you're doing? Holding my face with both of your hands when I come in for face snuggles or a kiss. I melt into a puddle. 

I love you so much. You're everything. 


Sunday, February 22, 2015

Corner of Happiness

This little girl. So funny. 

She absolutely loves this little corner of her closet - eh - nursery. She full on coos and sings and kicks those legs. 

That black and white dress? Oh, it's her BFF. She chats it up coffee-talk style almost every diaper change. Then, she'll turn to the patterned wallpaper and act like it's a reunion years overdue. 

Then, if she's feeling really good, she look up and give a quick whaddup to her chalk board. 

It's hilarious to watch. I feel like I'm intruding sometimes. 

I've tried to recreate a similar corner of happiness in her crib. 

Basically, she told me it's not the same. And to stop. 

Friday, February 20, 2015

Seeing Spencer

We've had lotsa Spencer visitors in the few short months since her birth.

She's met and been on loved by her Grandparents, Uncle Gary and Aunt Ashly - twice! She met her cousin Lorenzo, her Aunt Lauren, and a bunch of Mom and Dad's buds.

Meantime, the hospitality of our friends and family continues. The occasional cleaning and cooking and bringing of the sometimes dinner and snacks. The holding of the baby. The checking in and checking on. Even the cards and little goodies we get in the mail. There's all kinds of support. 

It's pretty great.

Bright Eyes

This is a sight to see in the morning. Spence with her bright, beautiful eyes!

She's such a beauty. I'm allowed to say that about my own kid, right?

My gorgeous little baby-muffin. 

Thursday, February 19, 2015

To the Twentysomething Aide...

... who is giving my husband the side-eye, stink-eye and rolling of the eyes:

I have some stuff to write in your direction. 

I'm know it may be difficult to come to work where the person you help take care of sometimes can be grumpy. Sometimes raises his voice. Sometimes loses his patience. Sometimes is angry.  And, really, sometimes the wife can be a little controlling and nosy too.

I'm sorry it's not pleasant all of the time, every day you come to work. 

When I come in to talk to my husband, I can see the looks of annoyance upon your face and it helps me to realize that this is just a job for you. A place to report to. A place get in and out as soon as possible. A quick paycheck. And, really that's okay. It's just a little more for us.  

It makes me thankful for our caretakers who do get it. Who can forgive and look past and cultivate an environment that helps Jimmy be less angry, grumpy and upset. Who are nurturing. Who are better at hiding their looks of annoyance on the inside, if in fact, that look exists.

You see, Young Aide: Jimmy wakes up each day to the realization that it's not just a bad dream. That he can't just get out of bed. He can't do anything without assistance. He wakes up that everyday. And some days it's easier to deal than others.

We let caretakers into our home to help us with this huge task of helping this particular human function - because he needs help. We need help. Plain and simple. 

He lets two caretakers come into his bedroom every morning, his worst time of day. He is in pain usually, from laying the same way for the last five or so hours. He's stiff. He's sore. He probably hasn't slept much at all. That's a safe bet. 

He's not looking forward to you moving him in every which way, rolling, pulling, stretching, yanking - virtually sucking all the energy he could have had throughout his day. He knows it must be done, however. He wants to get out of bed and get dressed each day. It's something. Even if he can do much else all day. He gets up and gets dressed. 

Jimmy faces some serious fatigue. This injury kicks his ass, most days. 

He's tired, Young Aide. He's tired physically and mentally.  He just wants to go back to sleep. He wants to wake up as he used to, three and a half years ago with his feet hitting the floor each and every morning. He doesn't ever say it... I can just see it.

His realization with the rising of each new sun is that it's not gonna happen. 

Sure we've come a long way in grieving and acceptance. We dealt. We've adjusted. We've acclimated. But understand, Young Aide, that while we're grateful for your help, we're clawing and gasping trying to make it through each day, well after you leave. 

We're facing daily challenges that we couldn't have imagine we'd once be facing. Two incredibly happy, clueless newlyweds... 

The wedding pictures you walk past each morning you work, those people were so happy and naive. Even working in the brutal biz that is the news biz. There's a sense of, "It can't happen to you. You're the ones who report on all of the bad things happening. You're on the other side of it." 

Can I just be weepy and whiny and say that it's so hard? This summer will mark four years since The Flying Tire. It's still can be so hard. 

I feel like if you knew, you'd understand and maybe you'd have a warm ember in your heart for what Jimmy deals with each day.  

We're doing it, Young Aide. Most days we make it look easy to outsiders. 

But in reacting the way you do, you teach us that the world doesn't revolve around our injury, although we get sucked into feeling that way sometimes. Life goes on. Not everyone has the embery feelings regarding our injury and our situation. And, really, that's okay. It thickens our injured skin. 

So maybe we're teaching each other a little something. 

Monday, February 16, 2015

Two Chairs

This sweet moment happened when we were waiting for dinner to cook, tonight. 

This baby has super magical powers over her Dadda. But, really, who didn't see that coming?  

PS) It was one year ago today I found out I was pregnant with Spencer! 

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Spencer: Three Months

Dear Spencer,

Three months old! 

You're growing right before my very eyes all the time and I don't really notice it until the morning when I wake and have a few sips of coffee. It seems like you are starting to really recognize, prefer and love me -- which is so sweet for me to experience. 

You're also getting more comfortable with your morning time with your Dadda. The vent and suctioning make you curious, but don't scare you. 

You've spent the last week being completely loved and spoiled by your grandparents, Gigi and Peepops. It's amazing to watch. You are their joy.

You're already starting to grow out of your size 3s. Not okay. Slow your roll, gal. 

Confession: sometimes I watch you cry for a few seconds before I tend to your needs because your cry face is stinking adorable. Sorry 'bout that. 

Thanks for being our little ray of light. 


Saturday, January 17, 2015

Mommyhood, So Far...

There are rattles and pacifiers hidden throughout my bed. 
There are Bumbos, Boppys and bouncies strewn about. 
There are more pots of coffee being brewed. 
There are more middle-of-the-night wake-up calls.
There is more tired in my eyes. 
There are less showers, baths, manicures, pedicures and eyebrow waxings.
There is more laundry. 
There is purpose and concern behind the budget.
There is more exhaling. 
There are more naps. 
There are more sounds. 
There is more music. 
There is more caution while driving. 
There is more caution while walking. 
There is less dinner being cooked. 
There are more delivery services being used. 
There is less beer and wine being consumed. 
There is less cleaning.
There are no date nights (yet). 
There is a scramble to get bills paid on time.
There are more infomercials being watched. 
There are hours and hours of feeding. 
There is less time for Jimmy, his appointments and The Injury. 
There are more tears of exhaustion 

There are more smiles. 
There are more warm-fuzzies. 
There is high-pitched baby-talk, ewww'ing and awwww'ing. 
There are funny poopy diaper reactions. 
There are more lazy days cuddling on the couch.
There is more staring. 
There are plenty of proud parent moments. Even at 2.5 months old.
There is more family contact, interest and love. 
There is more studying of the features. 
There is more fake-fighting about future college choices. (Him: Not Duke. Me: Would Duke really be the worst choice? Him: Yes.) 
There are more family outings starting to happen. 
There are outgrown clothes already being  packed-up. 
There are more talks about the future. 
There is more attention being paid to other Mom's: strollers, clothes and kids. 
There is more adjustment. 
There is fun in the choosing of outfits. 
There is a the constant questioning: poot or poop? 
There is feeling of accomplishment after a rough start: two and a half months of breastfeeding and counting. 
There is such joy in watching Daddy/Daughter moments. 
There is soul therapy to be had with the feel of her cheek. 
There is relief in being able to comfort. 
There is still the exhilarating spark that comes with saying "my daughter."
There is happiness. 

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Creating Joy

"Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy." 
Milton Erikson 

Caught making funny faces at Spence.
I promise that's not a look of horror. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Elf Baby

I've splattered these pictures all over social media this morning, but I think they're worth saving on the blog.

Our TV friend, Amy, gave us this outfit, which, is kinda perfect for today because the high is 38 degrees and we gotta go for some groceries. 

Snuggle-bug-elf-baby! Rejoice. 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Sole Sisters

This girl has been keeping me up the last few nights.
She's also been fussier than normal, and wanting to be held lots. 
But even through tired, dark-circled eyes, it's hard to maintain frustration.

She's freaking cute and she knows it. 
Damn you, cute baby toes. 

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy New Year

The Moores // December 2014

Phew... what a year! 2014 was definitely eventful for The Moores. 

We lost a family pillar with the passing of my Grandfather, and only a few months later welcomed a beautiful new life with the birth of Spencer.  Talk about a battle of conflicting emotions. 

I was pregnant for most of the year and Jimmy dealt with all that comes with his scalp reconstruction and two head surgeries. 

We surprisingly still managed to travel. Don't ask me how. I think we're still recovering... 

Jimmy is in his 3rd year of using a wheelchair, living with a spinal cord injury and being paralyzed. It's a wonder I don't breakdown everyday. It's a wonder he doesn't breakdown everyday. 

Someone asked me this spring if I still got sad. That must mean I'm doing a good job of putting on a brave face. Sometimes that helps me to really maintain strength and sometimes the mere sight of Jimmy in a wheelchair produces the quickest of streaming tears. 

How we hold it togther most days is beyond me. How we deal with skin breakdown, UTIs, no sleep, broken wheelchairs, insurance barriers/limitations, needing nursing care, and, now, trying to overcome new SCI/baby challenges is... amazing.

BUT. We have a new baby muffin now. She's a little ray of light in this sometimes dim life. 

We're grateful for this year that brought us Spencer Rosalyn, our little beauty. 2014. 

She's currently laying on my lap, smiling in her sleep. Dreaming of milk waterfalls, I imagine. She's so perfect and so completely enough. 

So many people love her and love us and there's so much support and checking in and visiting. 

The scale is starting to shift.  She's patching up our souls slowly but surely. With little baby band-aids. 

The constant healing will continue in 2015. 

It will be our baby's first full year of life. This time next year, I can't wait to see where we are with her. 

Hopefully I'll return to this blog feeling even stronger and more patched up. 

Baby band-aids. 

Oh, and I just discovered the sleep smiles that were happening may have been gastrointestinal-related. 

Baby band-aids and Pampers. Lots of Pampers.