Thursday, January 29, 2015

Spencer: Three Months

Dear Spencer,

Three months old! 

You're growing right before my very eyes all the time and I don't really notice it until the morning when I wake and have a few sips of coffee. It seems like you are starting to really recognize, prefer and love me -- which is so sweet for me to experience. 

You're also getting more comfortable with your morning time with your Dadda. The vent and suctioning make you curious, but don't scare you. 

You've spent the last week being completely loved and spoiled by your grandparents, Gigi and Peepops. It's amazing to watch. You are their joy.

You're already starting to grow out of your size 3s. Not okay. Slow your roll, gal. 

Confession: sometimes I watch you cry for a few seconds before I tend to your needs because your cry face is stinking adorable. Sorry 'bout that. 

Thanks for being our little ray of light. 


Saturday, January 17, 2015

Mommyhood, So Far...

There are rattles and pacifiers hidden throughout my bed. 
There are Bumbos, Boppys and bouncies strewn about. 
There are more pots of coffee being brewed. 
There are more middle-of-the-night wake-up calls.
There is more tired in my eyes. 
There are less showers, baths, manicures, pedicures and eyebrow waxings.
There is more laundry. 
There is purpose and concern behind the budget.
There is more exhaling. 
There are more naps. 
There are more sounds. 
There is more music. 
There is more caution while driving. 
There is more caution while walking. 
There is less dinner being cooked. 
There are more delivery services being used. 
There is less beer and wine being consumed. 
There is less cleaning.
There are no date nights (yet). 
There is a scramble to get bills paid on time.
There are more infomercials being watched. 
There are hours and hours of feeding. 
There is less time for Jimmy, his appointments and The Injury. 
There are more tears of exhaustion 

There are more smiles. 
There are more warm-fuzzies. 
There is high-pitched baby-talk, ewww'ing and awwww'ing. 
There are funny poopy diaper reactions. 
There are more lazy days cuddling on the couch.
There is more staring. 
There are plenty of proud parent moments. Even at 2.5 months old.
There is more family contact, interest and love. 
There is more studying of the features. 
There is more fake-fighting about future college choices. (Him: Not Duke. Me: Would Duke really be the worst choice? Him: Yes.) 
There are more family outings starting to happen. 
There are outgrown clothes already being  packed-up. 
There are more talks about the future. 
There is more attention being paid to other Mom's: strollers, clothes and kids. 
There is more adjustment. 
There is fun in the choosing of outfits. 
There is a the constant questioning: poot or poop? 
There is feeling of accomplishment after a rough start: two and a half months of breastfeeding and counting. 
There is such joy in watching Daddy/Daughter moments. 
There is soul therapy to be had with the feel of her cheek. 
There is relief in being able to comfort. 
There is still the exhilarating spark that comes with saying "my daughter."
There is happiness. 

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Creating Joy

"Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy." 
Milton Erikson 

Caught making funny faces at Spence.
I promise that's not a look of horror. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Elf Baby

I've splattered these pictures all over social media this morning, but I think they're worth saving on the blog.

Our TV friend, Amy, gave us this outfit, which, is kinda perfect for today because the high is 38 degrees and we gotta go for some groceries. 

Snuggle-bug-elf-baby! Rejoice. 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Sole Sisters

This girl has been keeping me up the last few nights.
She's also been fussier than normal, and wanting to be held lots. 
But even through tired, dark-circled eyes, it's hard to maintain frustration.

She's freaking cute and she knows it. 
Damn you, cute baby toes. 

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy New Year

The Moores // December 2014

Phew... what a year! 2014 was definitely eventful for The Moores. 

We lost a family pillar with the passing of my Grandfather, and only a few months later welcomed a beautiful new life with the birth of Spencer.  Talk about a battle of conflicting emotions. 

I was pregnant for most of the year and Jimmy dealt with all that comes with his scalp reconstruction and two head surgeries. 

We surprisingly still managed to travel. Don't ask me how. I think we're still recovering... 

Jimmy is in his 3rd year of using a wheelchair, living with a spinal cord injury and being paralyzed. It's a wonder I don't breakdown everyday. It's a wonder he doesn't breakdown everyday. 

Someone asked me this spring if I still got sad. That must mean I'm doing a good job of putting on a brave face. Sometimes that helps me to really maintain strength and sometimes the mere sight of Jimmy in a wheelchair produces the quickest of streaming tears. 

How we hold it togther most days is beyond me. How we deal with skin breakdown, UTIs, no sleep, broken wheelchairs, insurance barriers/limitations, needing nursing care, and, now, trying to overcome new SCI/baby challenges is... amazing.

BUT. We have a new baby muffin now. She's a little ray of light in this sometimes dim life. 

We're grateful for this year that brought us Spencer Rosalyn, our little beauty. 2014. 

She's currently laying on my lap, smiling in her sleep. Dreaming of milk waterfalls, I imagine. She's so perfect and so completely enough. 

So many people love her and love us and there's so much support and checking in and visiting. 

The scale is starting to shift.  She's patching up our souls slowly but surely. With little baby band-aids. 

The constant healing will continue in 2015. 

It will be our baby's first full year of life. This time next year, I can't wait to see where we are with her. 

Hopefully I'll return to this blog feeling even stronger and more patched up. 

Baby band-aids. 

Oh, and I just discovered the sleep smiles that were happening may have been gastrointestinal-related. 

Baby band-aids and Pampers. Lots of Pampers. 


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Spencer: Two Months


Two months already! Holy moly honey child! 

You're just the cutest.  I could actually just stop there.  

We've noticed you can see better and with that comes more smiles as you associate faces with voices.  

You're getting more comfortable with your morning routine of laying next to your Daddy for some morning cuddles. It's much easier to snuggle with him in the bed versus his chair so we try to make that A.M. goodness happen. 

You're also getting less traumatized by the car seat and the car itself. Baby steps. 

You love taking walks outside and you don't seem to mind if it's in the stroller or the Ergo carrier as long as we're MOVING. 

Today you got your two-month vaccines. Like five of them! Whoa. You were so good. You only cried a few minutes but then you got way fussy later. Luckily Gigi suggested baby Tylenol which seemed to calm you down. Thank GAWD. I didn't even think of that. 

The doc tells me you look good and are growing great. That's good enough for me, kiddo. 

Love you,

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Baby's First Christmas

I feel like the few days leading up to Christmas are sad. Saaaaad. Maybe this is just a post-injury deal. Or maybe I've always been nostalgic and reminiscent during the Christmas home stretch. 

Seriously though, the music from movies like Home Alone and The Polar Express don't help. Am I right? Even the attic projector scene from Christmas Vacation. I mean...  

This year, I'm bracing myself for being without the family I'm normally with. That includes my parents, brothers, sisters, uncle, aunt and cousins. This will also be the first Christmas -- ever -- without my Papa who passed in July. It still hasn't felt real that he is gone. Probably because I don't live near him. But if it's ever going to feel real, Christmas is the time.

Christmas just bleeds family and tradition. I made only a few kinds of cookies but they are the kinds Papa would have us grandkids sneak for him once at a time on Christmas Eve and after Christmas morning breakfast. The memories are still so palpable. He was here last year. At the table. Just like he always was. He was just fine. Eating cookies.  

Just by looking at these cookies as they come out of the oven... there's both heartbreak and comfort happening there.  

Still, while there's sadness, there's also Spencer. There's new life in our house. There's a new stocking hanging from the mantle. There's Christmas jammies with footies. There's talk of Santa (and how next year he'll really have to have his act together). There are new noises in our house. Not just the constant sound of the ventilator or the sound of Frasier re-runs. There's legitimate baby noises to remind us to keep going.

There's the opportunity for a cheek-to-cheek or forehead kisses. That's a comfort I never could have imagined. I inhale it.

I usually have to work hard to make holidays - specifically Christmas - feel different and joyful for me and Jimmy. My fear has been that with our routine, with Jimmy's routine, it will feel like just another day. Much of the same. And it can't. It just cannot. 

Christmas cannot feel like another day.   

This is a familiar fear from our first Christmas, post injury, which came just a few months after the accident in 2011. We couldn't get back home and I was missing that comfort so bad.

The comfort of my mother's beautifully decorated tree and my dad's Christmas lights. Laughing with my family. Overeating and really maybe trying to get to midnight mass. The Neil Diamond Christmas CD. The platters of cookies and treats. The smell of homemade Italian food on Christmas Eve. The cold Christmas air that really hits it home. I cherish it all and will hold it in my heart until I can revel in it next year, hopefully.

For the years go by quickly.

I'm sure I'll always hold in my heart this quiet first Christmas at home with our Spencer. We get her all to ourselves. Christmas morning, I'll wake-up with this sweetheart of a little girl and a hot cup of coffee (made special with whip cream and cinnamon because it's not just another day) and we'll go wake up Dad. We'll tell him to hurry so we can do whatever Christmas stuff we want.

I'm making us a big dinner tomorrow, but Christmas day might be the opportunity for a new tradition like Chinese take-out or some really good cheese pizza. Momma be tired.

It's gonna be a good couple of days, I think. 

Alright. Enough of this gooey of emotion. (Home Alone 2, anyone?)

Merry Christmas, everyone.

From our family of three.. to yours. 

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Spencer Newborn Photos

Guess whaaaat? MORE SPENCER PICS.

Our dear friends who took our wedding photos in June 2011 came to  meet Spencer a few weeks ago. Not only did they bring her some cute baby goodies, but they brought their fancy camera equipment to snap just a few shots of S.

She was fussy at first. I was thinking it would never work. But, we gave her a bottle and they worked their magic with her to get her to sleep so they could snap some magical shots. They clearly knew the ways of a newborn.

I was not prepared. Didn't have any cute outfits or headbands ready. It was just that kind of day. So they just shot her in what she was wearing and we added a few hats.

They came out pretty wonderful, I think. 

Sweet little baby muffin Spencer Rosalyn at one month old...

Friday, December 19, 2014

Recent Favorites

I haven't been able to blog like I want to because, ya know - BABIES! They need entertaining.

But, there's no shortage of photos. Most of my favorites come when Jimmy and Spencer get their morning time. Such sweet moments. 

Spencer is now 7 weeks old! 

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Because I Bought the Stickers...

Fussy but still super cute. 

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Spencer: One Month

My Darling Spencer,

Yesterday, you were one month old. Already! Everyone did warn me it would fly by. 

You were surrounded by loved ones, family who came to see you for the first time and spend Thanksgiving with us. 

Your Uncle Gary drove all the way from Florida. He loved holding you. He was a big help! Also, your Grandpa Gary and Christine came to see you. They flew on an airplane from Ohio. They brought Momma Starbucks. That made her super happy. 

The past month - our first month - was challenging and difficult as we're both feeling things out. We're finally starting to get a few things down. 

Believe it or not, I cherished the grind of the late night feeding withs you, watching the entire Gilmore Girls series over the past 4.5 weeks. You're the Rory to my Lorelai. 

You're doing great, lil muffin.