Saturday, January 30, 2010

No Sleep.

Another night of restless tossing and turning.

It's 2am and here I am.

My body is exhausted after a long day of work, as well as my brain. I'm so tired, I can feel it my legs. And as I wait for my last-resort sleeping pill to kick in - a million things are running through my mind just as they have over the past few nights.

My mind goes to some pretty odd places as I lie in bed.

Here's just a few: (okay, a lot)

  1. I should write a blog about all the places my mind is going. Right now.
  2. I ate 2 1/2 pieces of pizza today. Other than that, my day was pretty nutritious.
  3. I wonder if there will be snow on the ground when I wake up.
  4. Those raindrops I heard are hard. I bet there's ice involved.
  5. I wonder if Jimmy can tell I'm tossing and turning. All night. Everynight.
  6. I'm sooooooo freeeeaking sleepy.
  7. I miss my Nana.
  8. I remember when we got the call in the middle of the night alerting us to her death.
  9. Nothing good ever comes of a middle-of-the-night phone call.
  10. I'm so over this fucking fight I'm having with friend. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!
  11. Speaking of cuss words - an employee cussed on the air today. And we got lots of calls about it. I personally took a call from a man who gathered his childern around the TV to watch all the snow coverage. Wasn't expected the GD to fly out on local news. Yeah, us either, sir.
  12. My head hurts.
  13. I'm grinding my teeth again at night.
  14. If I have to go to work with tired, burning eyes again, I'm going to kill myself.
  15. The sound of the newsrooom phones... ringing.. ringing.. ringing..
  16. One of my favorite Sirius XM radio show hosts really pissed me off tonight.
  17. Why are there so many damn ladybugs sneaking in our apartment?
  18. It's 2:00am. Why are there doors still slamming in the damn building?
  19. Should I go in the other room to watch TV as I sleep so my mind doesn't race?
  20. I wish I could just not care about shit sometimes. Worrying sucks.
  21. I forgot to use Listerine after I brushed tonight.
  22. I wonder if my car will get broken into tonight.
  23. I feel guilty for being sleep deprieved when I don't even have a kid keeping me up.
  24. I feel bad for being a butt to my mom on the phone today. I always feel bad AFTER the fact. But can never remember that during the conversation.
  25. Two more days of work and then two days off.
  26. Why the hell did I get into this business? I really deserve my full week at Edisto.
  27. The pizza I ate was Pizza Hut. Secretly my favorite. Haven't had it in forever. I asked them (work) to get a cheese pizza. But ate the sausage/pepperoni. It just looked much more appealing.
  28. I REALLY REALLY REALLY need to get renters insurance.
  29. I need to pay my mom the like $80 I owe her.
  30. I'm glad I'm not single and living here. I would have a hard time finding people to go out with at my work. Especially on my schedule.
  31. I just heard Jimmy cough. I bet he can hear me typing.
  32. I want to go to bed, but I'm really scared of laying there and not being able to go to sleep.
  33. The thought of that is making me cry.
  34. Maybe tomorrow no caffeine after morning coffee.
  35. My tivo box says it's 2:20. When I sat down it read "12:00." It was broken. Jimmy called about it. Think it's fixed now.
  36. How freaking long does it take for a sleeping pill to kick in?
  37. I wonder when I'll get my book I ordered about helping kick exhaustion, and detoxing your body.
  38. I think I'm getting cramps.
  39. Zits.
  40. Wonder when the Proactiv I ordered will arrive.
  41. Deep breath. Here I go toward the bed.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Keeping Up With Current Events




-- "The worst of the storm has passed" for the economy, President Obama says in State of the Union address

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Hazards


Please know that I am aware of the hazards.
I want to do it, because I want do it.
Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail, their failure must be a challenge for others.


~Amelia Earhart

Myself. Evolving.



I'm working on a new me. A healthier me. Inside and out.

I'm not just going with the ole "I'm losing weight" or "I need to floss more" for this year's Resolution.

I realize it's nearly February. I've been busy. Get off my back.

I would like to get some of that holiday weight off, sure. And I am working on that.

But I also want to be better, happy with the people in my life. I want to be less mean. But more real. Less grumpy. I want everything not to piss me off. I don't want everything to get to me and most of all, I don't want to hold grudges. Unfortunately, generations of Italian and Slovak relatives make that impossible. That one is a long-term goal.

But in a perfect world, ya know..

I don't hate me, though. There are a lot of good characteristics about myself that I love. I'm a good friend. Maybe too good sometimes. (Others may disagree.) I get hurt in a lot of my friendships by holding others to the same friendship standards that I hold for myself. I sometimes feel like I would walk through fire for my friends, and when I don't always get that in return, I get a dose of reality. Life gets in the way, though. I'm realizing that. And all of my friends are in different stages of their lives than I. Single, seriously dating, flinging, newly co-habitating, married, kids, etc. Life happens. People drift. Things people once thought were the most important to them, aren't anymore. And that's okay.

I'm learning as life progresses, the meaning of life.. well, it changes. And it's that very notion, that I sometimes have a hard time dealing with.

Working on me is something that will take a long time. I expect no overnight, dramatic improvments.

I think watching CW's newest drama Life Unexpected isn't helping. Very emotional. So good.

Day by day.




Monday, January 4, 2010

A Proud Mama


Okay.

I do not have children. I do not have pets. I have one plant.

Seldom do I feel like a proud mama.

But when I opened the doors of my little three bedroom apartment to these pair of gray, buckle suede pumps - I made a special place in my closet for these sweet darlings.

I cannot wait to wear these to work.

The only thing these gals need.. are a fresh round of bold brunette hair-dye. Unstoppable.

Oh, it's love.