Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The End.

Things can't always be as they were. I'm slowly realizing this as I continue to fight for a friendship that may already be gone.

Said friend writes ambigiously on her Facebook wall: "Friendships can't be fueled by memories."

No, no they can't said friend.

Nice job trying to get that message out without acting like it wasn't directed right at me.

Is it okay to let it go? After 7 years in the making? After journeying through hell and back? Even if I feel I've invested way too much of myself into it? I feel like I've put almost finished a jigsaw puzzle that's only got a few pieces left. And I'm walking away.

I need a therapist.

Is it okay go against the grain, and fight to keep something alive, that I guess has already been slipping through my fingers all along?

I guess it's time.

There's only so much you can do, I suppose. But this realization comes after months of a middle-school type fighting.

E-mailing - not getting responses back.

Texting - only to get one or two word responses, sometimes nothing at all.

Lauging louder, and acting so darn happy when an awkward meeting of the mutual friends including "said friend" and myself took place. Oh the maturity.

Did I try to call? Heck no. I don't like confrontation unless it absolutely necessary. I avoid talking on the phone as much as possible. So that's not an option until it has to be. I much prefer e-mail and text wars. There's a reason my work is done behind the scenes and not on camera.

But even after a phone conversation took place that was 3 months in the making: I got off the phone feeling pretty shitty about myself. I've never heard so many of my bad traits listed one of after the other -- to my face - in a matter of 45 minutes. Wow. I didn't know I had so many bad qualities. Thanks for that, I guess.

Okay. So maybe friendships aren't fuled by memories said friend. But seeing it in black and white, maybe you've helped me get the closure I need.

Maybe you just help me realize that I'm fighting for something that doesn't exist anymore.

So thanks, I guess.

For the cryptic FB message.

Now I can quit worrying. And realize that it is what it is.. and it can't be what it was. And my energy can be directed towards something much more healthier, like my current addiction of watching classic films. (Can't wait for Shop Around the Corner!)

So I guess we're in agreement.

The End.

But you get a whole blog post about it from me, instead of a measly little FB comment.

Yay!