Saying goodnight to my husband and parting for my own separate room is certainly one.
When I was scouting out new apartments for Jimmy and I here in Atlanta, I had to look for one comparable to ours back in Greenville. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms.
We made the decision to stay -- and to get the apartment.
Then, as we started to get closer to discharge date from The Shepherd Center, we realized Jimmy would be getting his own hospital-type bed.
Then, came the supplies. There are so many supplies.
Jimmy requires a lot of care, 24-hour care.
He gets turned every few hours, nurses check on him to see if he needs a drink, medication, etc.
So, we knew when we got the apartment Jimmy would need his own space because of that.
Someone along the way told me (because I really had no clue how to set things up at home) that I needed my own room, and Jimmy needed his own room.
Foreign concept. Especially considering that we're now newlyweds.
That person was right. Although I didn't want to believe it.
When we got home, things were so fragile, crazy, scary -- it was 100 MPH all day, everyday. So many different people were trying to learn Jimmy's medical needs, his routine.
It was one of the hardest things we ever had to do.
If I didn't have my own sanctuary, I would have lost my freaking mind.
I understand that now.
But, things have calmed down. And I still have to say goodnight to my husband, and go into my bedroom.
The bedroom that has our bed, our bedroom suit, bedside tables, etc. It's our stuff.
Maybe if I got all NEW stuff , I'd feel better. Wink, wink.
There are so many other mountains that we have to climb together. But for some reason, this has become one of my own little personal mountains.
Things just happen to hit me so hard at night, and I don't know why. The harsh reality of what has happened to us punches me in the gut as I walk into my bedroom every single night.
Day time, fine. Night time, tears, tough memories, reality.
Luckily, this has been a huge learning experience for us. We have talked about ways to make this not so hard when we get a bigger place, bigger beds in the future.
Being able to lay in bed with my husband, forcing him to watch horribly bad TV is something I absolutely cannot wait to do.
There are measures I now know to take... Friends, Khloe & Lamar, That 70's Show, stuff on TBS. ...TV helps.
And writing helps.
Tonight, apparently peanut cups are helping, too.
Chocolate and peanut butter and Chandler. My saviors.