Friends With Kids

I have lots of friends with kids. I have friends without kids. I have friends who want kids and who will soon have kids.

When we're all together, I've learned that we must now collectively eat earlier when we do group dinners.

I've learned that our friends will now go to bed before 10pm in preparation of the early awakening of the children-types.

I've learned our friends will constantly talk of day cares, potty training, "poo-splosions," visiting museums, aquariums, libraries and massive temper tantrums in the produce aisle.

They spend a lot of their time sewing dresses, jumpers, and things that look like trivets that are actually teething mechanisms.

Do they look alike? Do they look like their parents? Do they look like their grandparents?

Watching cartoons and sing-a-longs. Having your radio taken over (sacrilege!). Cloth diapers this, organic that, BPA free this, breathable fabrics that, chemical-free this...

Their life is about the walking, talking, eating, teething, crawling, jumping, climbing. Did I mention the peeing and pooping?

Kids have a shit load of energy. Where the hell does that come from without coffee at 6am?  Laps around the living room at 7am? Is this real life?

At what age do you start becoming grumpy in the mornings?

I never recall ever liking mornings.

Oh, heck yeah life has changed.

But I will say, seeing my friends in their children is truly something very amazing. Seeing these babies turn into little, smart, mannerly people.  Hearing them say your name. I die.

Seeing tempers passed down is also amusing.

Seeing them bug the crap out of my friends... "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. MOMMY!"

Bahahaha! Ahaha. Ha.

I can laugh now because I don't have kids. I have nurses.

I know my time will come. But until it does, I will continue to feed their children chocolate before dinner.  And I will laugh about it.

I will tickle, laugh, and play with them. I will love them as any Fun Auntie would. I will bribe them for my attention.

But I will pass the babies over the minute I smell the poopies. 

Meanwhile, I will cherish the moments where I get thrown a non-Mother nugget from my friends who used to stand where I am: childless and selfish -- and okay with it.

For example:

I'm meeting a friend at some outlets in a few days.  She asked me what time I was getting there.

My answer is usually Noon for most things. Before that, things get sketch.

She told me she was going to go early so she could go shopping at the kid stores so I wouldn't have to do that.

God bless her. GOD BLESS HER.

It could be worse. I could hate children and be horribly alienated from my friends with kids.

Or I could be that person who "hates kids," is mean to them, and swears I will never have them. And then does. (Annoying.)

I'm sure my kids will remind me of this blog post when I pop out some offspring.

I expect nothing less.


  1. My parents were 40 and over when they adopted me. I'm sure they went through many of the same things about children that you are going through. I think I brought them much you will have, in time.


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