Friday, October 19, 2012

Alive and Well

I just squeezed my husband so hard I sent him into spasms. He used to fuss at me for doing that, pre-injury.

But tonight, he knew I needed that squeeze. He knew he needed to just brace and endure. He knows what's up.

I'm so happy my husband is alive I could actually squeeze him into ten-thousand little pieces.

When I arrived to the hospital on the day of his accident, I felt so much better after seeing his face. He was actually smiling. I was not. Especially because his head was hanging open.

As I rushed to his side, he gave me a "hey, honey..." Like, he thought he was gonna get in trouble.

That first night, he was alert -- still himself.

His was put in a halo device that was used to sort of stretch his spine back out so it would be easier for the doctors to operate.

I'm not sure I was clear-headed enough to remember every detail, but I remember Jimmy giving me the smallest glimmer of hope. I never thought he was going to die. Just hours after this scary accident, I was able to still hear from him.

It was nice having those surgery-eve hours, because I had no idea what was on deck. It was like he knew... and he was trying to prepare me for what was in store.

After that, he kind of went away for a little while.

Heavily sedated... breathing tubes... not being able to speak... only communicating through blinks.

I, along with many others, would have to heal him back.

Someone on Facebook, an old high school friend, is going through something tough with his family. His status updates remind me of being back at the hospital the night before Jimmy's big surgeries.

Think it made me grateful for a moment we had tonight.

Jimmy... sitting across from me while we watched Revenge on DVR.

A nice, dim living room.

I was actually cuddled in a blanket that was made for him while he was hospitalized.

Him watching as my head was being held in my propped hand.

I was thinking about something, and he knew it.

That's when I got up and squeezed him oh-so-hard.

I have my times where I get sad about not sleeping in the same bed, his lack of mobility, etc...

But two of my Facebook friends recently had to bury their spouse & boyfriend.

Shit could be worse.

I get to laugh still because my husband tells his nurses to get their asses moving. Don't feel sorry for them. They love it.

Sometimes it's hard to realize... I'm lucky.

But, I am lucky -- you old man. I'm talking to you James Walter Moore, Jr.

I'm lucky to be yours.

MUSH.

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