Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Not So Fast...



The day after I wrote my joyous blog, Jimmy had a tired day.

And then another (today).

In fact, he slept a good part of the afternoon away.  He didn't sleep well last night.  So that means I get groans as answers when he's awake. When he's not awake, I have to entertain myself.

Last night, I didn't sleep much at all myself.

I'm not sure if it was because I had a late tennis lesson, or because I felt guilty in my fluffy bed while our neighbors to the north we dealing with heartbreaking catastrophe.

I tossed and turned a whole lot.

I figeted with the thermostat. It was like 44 degrees last night. Just chilly enough to convince me to fire up the heat.

We got the fresh burnt smell with the annual switch-on.

I got up several times during the night to adjust the levels. I thought I wasn't sleeping well because I wasn't used to the heat. What's the right temperature? What's a good temperature?

I mastered the a/c, finally. But the heat!

What should it be set on? I forgot. I should have called my Mom to ask her what hers is always set on, and added 10 because it was always frickin' freezing in her house.

I nearly Googled it.

I kept checking my Twitter feed. The news kept getting worse. More death. Another city underwater. People missing.

Heart. Breaking.

My mind was swirling at 5:30am.

I wasn't due to wake up for, like, four more hours.

I turned on The Weather Channel after spending a frustrating four minutes trying to find my remote in the dark.

I watched.

I got annoyed that they kept going back to the cities that seemed to be "okay" in the grand scheme of things. That wasn't why I was watching.

I was ready to hear the bad news and face the facts with the rest of America.

That wasn't the case around 11pm, a few hours before, when I was ready to go to bed.  I switched right away to a sitcom savior.

I got out of bed around 9:45am. I could barely stand.

I felt like someone had performed an Irish jig on top of me.

I'm sure lifting weights, running a few miles and going to a tennis lesson in really, really windy and near-freezing conditions didn't help.

It took all I had to drag myself to the coffee pot. There was a hint of excitment in the fact that I had programmed my coffee pot to brew some mocha mint.

I peeked in on Jimmy several times, trying to fuel myself with my first sips of coffee.

He was in a deep sleep, even with all the noise I was making getting my coffee together. Even with the nurse who went in to check his blood sugar levels before breakfast. 

I knew what that meant.

It was confirmed when I went, finally, to wake him up... a warm breakfast awaiting him.

He had circles under his eyes, again.

He looked so tired.

I started crying.

I got so mad at myself that I totally jinxed our good couple of days with celebrating and writing a stupid blissful blog.

He tried to console me. But his bad night and mine were no match for my emotions. 

After I fed him, our nurses continued on with his morning routine.

He told me to turn off my TV in my room and try to go back to bed. Did I listen?

No. I'm watching the Gilmore Girls series for the first time and it's pissing me off. I have to see if it gets better (I would like to smack Lorelai in the head right now, and seriously want Rory to be my BFF).

Then I could take a nap.


He came out into the living room and I joined him. I was still in my pajamas, (but, finally brushed my teeth!) feeling like shit... and what do I do next?

Watch Poltergeist.

Jimmy slept, so I kept watching.

Not sure I ever saw that movie all the way through, but if I had, it was at least a decade ago. Some of the "scary" parts made me laugh. Others did not.

Jimmy eventually woke up, but later in the day.

We arranged for Jimmy's bedtime to be earlier tonight since he was so sleepy. 

But by the time he was finally talkative and engaging, our CNA knocked on the door for bedtime.

So here I am. 

Feeling emotional and needing badly to write.

I think we both need a good night's sleep. 

And we both will probably be better in the morning.

After all, I kick ass according to this freaking awesome card I got in the mail by a friend who sent it, just to send it. What a great suprise.

My mom's friend also sent a Halloween goody bag to us around the same time. Are you kidding? How much fun was that? She put old (ollllld) school candy in there. Stuff I had never heard of.  But, my Mom had! Ha!

Anyways, I stared at this thing all day.

And randomly, without knowing I even did so, grabbed it when I was moving into the bedroom for the night and put it on my bedside table.

Like, I grabbed it when I was grabbing all my things. I placed it right next to my hot tea, and looked over and said... how did that get there? Weird...

Then a friend called. I didn't want to talk. Almost didn't answer. But I sure am glad I did.

It's almost time for Frasier. And that means happy time. Hopefully I'll be off in comfy sleepy land before I get through even one episode.

Felt I owed you the truthful follow-up on the great couple of days we had.  Who knows why Jimmy is tired again. Maybe because being off the ventilator for nearly a week (!!) is finally catching up with him.

Maybe he just had a bad couple of night's sleep.

We shall see...

Remembering tonight... "Shit Could be Worse."

There are so many people worse off than we are.

I just need to keep that in mind.


  1. Keep writing and we will keep reading! It's good for you and us. And it makes us feel closer to you. Sending you a hug!

  2. You really do kick ass! Even on your worst days! :) xoxo