Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Drive

Here I go.

Walking down an emotional memory lane, once again.

You can't stop me. It's too late.

This evening, I'm preparing to go on my second solo trip since Jimmy's crash last August.

I am not the only one on this trip making tough sacrifices, however.

Two of my friends have small babies/children at home. I'm fairly certain it is the first time they are leaving these tots, for this long. 

So, we can commiserate. We know we need this, but surely our minds will be elsewhere. BUT WE NEED THIS.

I got to thinking about my route. I have to drive through Greenville to pick up one of the friends, and then we will continue on North.

Then I realized it will only be my second time back to The Upstate since our first visit in June.

Greenville is such a wonderful, horrible, wonderful place. I get caught in this bittersweet mind trap when thinking of it there.

Tomorrow, I have to drive over the very piece of highway where Jimmy's catastrophic crash happened.

I used to drive over it everyday.

I will have to prepare myself for emotions. I don't know what will actually happen. But, I can guess.

It's so horribly symbolic I can't stand it. How do you not get upset? How do you prevent all the memories from that day from flooding back?

The workout I did that morning. Basking in the newness of our first "married" apartment. The Starbucks I wanted to get on the way to work, but didn't because I was running late.  Just... being.  That "stressful" wedding thing was out of the way...

Psssshhhh...

Tomorrow, I will think of that day.

The freak think that happened. And the carefree life we led before that. There. In that city.

It's nauseating (It's not a horrible nightmare, right?).

So, I'm hoping that writing about it now will alleviate some of the grief and anger that will swirl around in my brain tomorrow leading to teary brown eyes.

It also helps knowing that getting through that drive, and getting to where I need to go will help soothe a little of that. 

A destination that makes the drive worthy.

2 comments:

  1. I hope your journey goes well an you focus on the happy weekend with your friends waiting ahead of you.

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  2. Aww, Jamie....I've had spots like that too...and will really be thinking about you tomorrow as you make the drive. The disorienting thing is that those spots end up looking so...ordinary. As if they shouldn't have been witness to what happened there. Sigh. One mile at a time...and then you're past it. Hugs.

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