I just left your room. I set your TV timer. Put your call alert straw within reach. Pulled the blanket up. Turned on your white noise machine. Did some last minute scratching of your head before I left the room for the night. I looked down at your face as you watched TV.
You looked so comfortable. You were smiling. So why on earth did I start crying?
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm so so sorry. Is it okay that I feel sorry? Does that make me weak to admit that? I feel sorry for us sometimes.
My heart is sorry you were dealt this. It's just not fair.
You saw a heavy tear stream down my face and I told you I suddenly got sad. You were concerned, but assured me it was because I just watched a (Disney Pixar) movie.
You know me well.
I put on Frasier to try and turn this emotional crazy train around, promptly.
I'm sure the movie had something to do with it, but there was something about looking at your sweet face in a pillow, with the TV reflection in your eyes.
I still can't believe it sometimes. Most of the time I can. It's the occasional "sometimes" that get me.
I take comfort in knowing you're still living. You're doing it the only way you know how. You'd be living louder if you could. Right now, it's a little quieter, as we battle the physical limitations -- fatigue, weakness, soreness and even coldness. But you always keep going. That's all anyone can ask.
I want you to know I still love you. Always have. Always will (Thanks Bridget Jones for that gem).
I'm proud of your ability to still smile at the little stuff. The little stuff has become our peace of mind. The little stuff is our living.
I'm happy we still make each other laugh. Especially now that we're in each other's faces so much more these days.
We make it through our spats quicker. Probably because you can't storm off. You used to love to do that, you little hot-tempered Portuguese, you. You do threaten to still leave the room when I make you really mad, but you lose some of the effect with the chair.
I'm sure that's something you hate. That you can't properly storm off when I piss you off. Wink, wink.
Thank you for putting up with my emotional crazy trains.
And, I am sorry. I know there are some who'd say I shouldn't be sorry. I should just keep my head up, move onwards and upwards. Oh the frick well. I'm human.
I guess tonight I had a 'feeling sorry for us' moment. THANKS DISNEY PIXAR.
I love you Husband.
Your Adorable Wife