Wednesday, October 30, 2013

WTF, Hormones?

Things are still going forward with our IVF cycle this month.

I'm half of a week into my meds and have two scans coming up at the end of the week to determine how I'm responding to everything.

I'm sure that's when my doctors will make a decision on when to do my egg retrieval.  I bet it will be coming up in the next week/week and a half.

VERY soon.

There's still a lot of coordinating happening to get what we need from Jimmy and to get it all together in the same place. But the encouraging news is that our staff is very aggressive and determined to make this work for us. We have other doctor's working with us. We have nurses calling to check on us. I feel like we are in the right place.

When we meet with our main fertility doctor, I almost forget that we have any fertility barriers at all. She has a way of helping me remain hopeful without knowing how any of this will turn out. And truly, that's what I need.  

I sometimes cautiously catch myself talking about a future Little Moore. I feel like there will be a Little Moore in our future, but will we meet him/her in 2014? We just don't know. 

What we know is that we're completely committed to this IVF cycle and that's about all we can do for the time being.

November is going to be a busy month.  It's very exciting and very scary all at the same time.

During all of this, Jimmy is still working on his goal of weaning off the ventilator and his diaphragmatic pacer. He is doing exceptionally well and I am beyond proud of him. It will be soon when we can call his doctor and tell him we are ready for the next step, whatever that may be.

I continue to give myself injections 3 times a day. It's really not as bad as I thought. The needles are relatively small and the mixing of medications was easy to learn. I like that I get to work my way up to the big booty needle. I won't do that one until after the embryo transfer, I believe.

I was handling the surge of hormones rather well. Until today. Here's what I'm noticing about the meds for me. They make the goods really good. And the complicated completely hard and not doable.

I had a couple of little meltdowns today that I'm choosing to blame on the hormones. I feel like if I wasn't on hormones, I wouldn't be reacting this way to an otherwise small, not life-changing item.

Lucky for me, on this day when hormones rudely attacked me, I had therapy. Are we sure God isn't a woman?

Before I even got to therapy, I knew what my therapist was going to say. I'm starting to be able to hear her voice in the back of my head. She calls that progress.

At the end of the session, I told her I felt better. She asked me what helped. I told her talking it out out loud.  As opposed to letting it roll around in my brain and just letting the wheels turn and turn and turn and imagine scenarios that may not ever happen. Shut the frick up, brain.

My therapist told me this could be good practice for "another time in life when my hormones could also be out of wack."  She's good.

I'm going now. To watch Seinfeld. Or Revenge. Or both. And going to eat cheese or chocolate. Or both.

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