Sunday, April 27, 2014

The Announcement


It's out there. That part is finally over, although I did drop the biggest hint ever a couple of weeks ago. Worrying about when we were "gonna put it out there" was an actually thing happening in my head. Some people wait until 20 weeks. Some announce at 6 or 8 weeks and don't think another thing about it. I guess there's no right answer.

I probably could have waited a little longer (who knows if I would have ever been ready) but oh the frick well. Jimmy was ready awhile ago. I picked up his hand and actually used his pointer finger to hit the POST button to send it out. I was having silly anxiety and was a little sweaty even. It's the same anxiety I had when I first posted about making the decision to start IVF. 

But now I can talk about it and write about it! That part I'm happy about. No more hiding in my little pregnancy bubble.

I've had four good-lookin' ultrasounds. Over the past 13.5 weeks, we've seen a little blob turn into an actual thing that actually looks like a baby. Wha? How? Science? Okay.

Still can't believe it.  CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

My first trimester is wrapping up as we speak. It was... not bad. I didn't puke, although there was nausea and weird aversions. My fridge: the sight, smell could make me not want to eat. I took a crap load of naps and even fell asleep before ten sometimes which is unheard of.  Tried to eat healthy but hormones (yeah, that's what I'll blame it on) may have gotten the best of me. I'm sure to get a lecture from my OB on my first official visit in a few weeks. 

I guess the good news is that I seem to have more energy now. I don't want junk all the time. I mean realistically, I have my moments, but stopping for a dozen Krispy Kremes and eating and unspecified amount of that dozen no longer sounds appealing. 

Jimmy is keeping in character about this whole baby thing. I think he's pretty excited, but I don't know how real it feels for him yet. I feel like when the bump starts to grow, maybe it will be more believable. But then again, maybe I'm not giving Jimmy enough credit.  Maybe he's just "man excited."  

Here's the growth of Baby Moore as we've seen it. I realize I'm lucky to have had this many ultrasounds, but I had two at the fertility clinic before I was released to a regular OB. 

Without further ado, our little Beanie... 

Friday, April 18, 2014

Giveaway Winner

Hi! Happy Friday. I have the winner of the Carry On, Warrior book giveaway.

Random.org gave me number THREE. And, the 3rd person to enter was Dana Ritter! Congratulations Dana! Yay, free stuff! I think you'll just love it.

Send me an email with your home address and I'll get it out to you. My email button is on the blog bar under "Connect."

Happy reading, friend!  Whew. That was fun.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Carry On, Warrior Giveaway

As a thank you for taking part in the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project, Glennon and the folks at Momastery sent me a book to keep or giveaway. 

Lucky ducky for you, I have a signed copy that I probably will re-read this summer. I plan to be on a beach at some point. I need the beach very soon.

This book was just released in paperback on it's one year anniversary. This is the version I have to giveaway. 

Here's some of the what you can expect from G-Dog's baby-child, Carry On, Warrior:

*I've never particularly felt good at friendships. Friendship's demands -- like remembering important dates, answering the phone, and navigating group dynamics -- don't come easy to me. I have a reclusive side and a Sister. These two things make friendship hard for me to notice how much I need friends.

*Recently there was some talk in my Bible study class about homosexuality being sinful. I quoted Mother Teresa and said, "When we judge people we have no time to love them." I was immediately reprimanded for my blasphemy by a woman who reminded me of 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. But I was confused because this woman was speaking. In church. And she was also wearing a necklace. And I could see her hair, baby. She had no head covering. All of which are soooooo totally against the New Testament Bible Rules. And so I assumed that she had decided not to follow the parts of the Bible that limited her particular freedoms, but to hold fast to the parts that limit the freedoms of others. 

*Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, part of your heart will hurt a little. Your Daddy and I want you to trust that heartache... That heartache is called compassion, and it's God's signal to you to do something.  

There are many good life nuggets in this book. You don't have to agree with everything she says, or be religious to get something out of it.  It's a book worthy of a spot on the shelf, if you ask me.

Rules for the giveaway:

1) You must be an official follower of this blog to be qualify. 
2) You have to live in the US. 
3) Leave a comment and tell me that you want it!

A winner will be chosen at random (there's technology for that) by Noon EST on Friday, April 18th. I will post the winner of the giveaway on the blog then, so check back.

Good luck!

Happy Sunday: Berry Pancakes



Seemed like a good morning to wake-up and make pancakes. 

Yesterday was yuk.  Had a headache all day long. Was sleep deprived. Just... yuk. Since I woke up feeling better I thought: Sunday! Pancakes! 

These is the whole wheat pancake recipe I found a while back. I just added blueberries, blackberries, ground flax seed and some vanilla to the batter.

They came out yummy and berrylicious. And, a good way to use up the berries in the fridge about to turn.

And let's be honest: the berries make me feel better about eating pancakes for breakfast. 

Yay, health, kind of! 

Monday, April 7, 2014

A Wedding, A Wheelchair And Then Some Brownies – My Messy Beautiful

 
We all have stories.

Some are good. And some are like really friggin’  good. Upon hearing them: BAM! Instant hero. How’d she live to tell?  Ford Tough. Or something.  It’s not rare to hear a story that has me feeling grateful for our thing that happened.  

And these storytelling heroes?  I feel what they’re telling me. I physically feel with all my parts how they feel even though my story is different.  I hurt on the inside for people making their way through a traumatic thingy.  My soul gets scared.  It’s familiar territory.  The stories are different. The way your inside crumbles and tries to repair – it’s the same.      

May I tell you about my story? Here is a version.          

It includes:
1)      Jagemeister 
2)      A cute guy
3)      New Years Eve
4)      More  Jagemeister
5)      Spin the bottle (yes, with grown-ass adults. See #1 and #4) 

Yeah, so, liquid courage or whatever it is. Our seven year relationship has a liquidy foundation made of licorice-tasting liquor.

Five years of dating, a beach house proposal, a golf course wedding, a new city, new jobs, and a massive course-changer.  My husband and I have been through hell and back together. He’s now, for sure, my forever person.  

Jimmy and I don’t have kids yet. What we do have? A spinal cord injury.  Less than two months after we were married, Jimmy was on his way to work when The Flying Tire came barreling down the highway – changing our quiet, normal lives.  

Just like that, my husband was paralyzed. August 8, 2011. That was the last time he walked. Those steps to get into his work car, those were his last. That morning spent at home with coffee, preparing for work - it would be the last like that.  We had no idea of the new path we faced but we were slowly pulled into reality one day at a time. It was tough stuff, man.  What humans are expected to deal with sometimes – it’s just mean.   

Our lives look different now.  We used to both work in television news.  Jimmy was a photographer, I was a producer.  We actually worked together at the same station, on the same shift, on the same show when the injury happened.

Now we both work together on the injury.  Our lives are dealing with home care nurses and case managers. Catheters and bowels. Wheelchairs and ramps.  Ventilators and suctioning. Oxygen saturation and temperature. Skin breakdown and muscle spasms.  Medical supplies and medication.   

Being through a trauma shakes your core a little, doesn’t it? It changes your perspective.  

Some of the pettiness is exhausting now. On the same token, sometimes it’s the little things we’re thankful for because LOOK HOW CLOSE MY HUSBAND CAME TO NOT HAVING PETTINESS AND LITTLE THINGS!

Perspective.

While it can seem like me and my husband were robbed of a “normal” life, I’d like to list for you things I’m grateful for in my newish life. My silver linings. My don’t-take-for-granteds.   

1)      MY HUSBAND. Duh. The fact that he’s here. I can hug him. I can smell his skin. He can continue to coach me through my crazy.
2)       FOOD. I know this is really high on the list but a love for food is something me and Husband always shared, and continue to. (I’ve got homemade dark chocolate brownies in the oven as I write this.)
3)      TIME. I have so much more of it now that I’m not working. I have time to help nurture this injury. Time for me, time for us, time for Starbucks, time for TJ Maxx, maybe a little too much time for Buzzfeed quizzes…
4)      EMPATHY.  Tell me your story. I will feel it and I will hold my heart for you. And I will mean it. I’ve learned empathy over the past three years.  
5)      COMEDY.  When I tell you that sitcoms got me through the really dark, early days after The Accident – it’s true.  The nights I was alone, the nights when my neighbors probably could hear me sobbing through the walls? My friends during those dark times? Rhoda Morganstern. Chandler Bing. Niles Crane. Elaine Benes. Comedy. Saved. Me. (And, still does.)
6)      CHOCOLATE. This kind of goes with #2, but I really feel like chocolate is worth another mention. (Brownies are cooling.)
7)      FAMILY/FRIENDS/CO-WORKERS/COMPLETE STRANGERS. (This should be higher. I wonder if Mom will get mad she’s below two food categories.)  The people that came out of the woodwork during our two-person catastrophe -- simply amazing. The people that prayed. The people that sent food, money and love. The family that called everyday if they couldn’t be here. The family that was here and just sat with me. But the people that still continue to let us know they are still here? Almost three years later? Because they know we’re still wounded. Not just on the outside.
8)      A NEW CITY. We moved after the accident to be closer to top-notch medical care. We have a small support team here now. It's pretty sturdy. And, I’ve made new friends of all ages. I have a friend named Nesie who’s 80+ years old. She feels the need to take care of me. I let her.
9)      BROWNIES. Holy crap. These brownies with melty vanilla ice cream. Life is good. It’s that easy sometimes.
10)   YOU. I’ve met some beautifully messy wonderful people who have shown me so much about life and how to live through some shit. I get lost in in your stories.  And they help me. Maybe that’s why I share my brutal honesty sometimes. Because it’s the honesty of others, along with comedy and brownies, that pulls me through.  

And I have to give a shout out to therapy, because THERAPY! Therapy has helped me see that I need to be social sometimes as much as I want to hermit. I apparently need to distract myself.  Distract myself from the past and dwelling in what I miss. Remembering what was and missing it too much. That road can cause one to spiral.

Distractions.

Family. Friends. Stories of survival. Joey Tribiani. And brownies.You find what you can to help you live. Find your happiness. The small things will add up.

Because, let me be honest…

In the circle of great folks within this injury, a common thing we do is shine a light on Not Letting The Injury Win.  Let me tell you, friends. Sometimes you just have to. YOU HAVE TO LET IT WIN.  And I really think it’s okay.  Sometimes you just wave your little white flag, crawl back under the covers and then find a better time, a stronger time to fight back. Sometimes the hard stuff just sucks the smiles and energy from you. We just have to let it win sometimes. 

I mean, how do you truly build character by going undefeated anyways?          

So wrapping this thing up with some good news: As hard as this life can be, as soul crushing as this injury can get, my husband and I have been working hard with a wonderful doctor and a wonderful nurse within a wonderful team over the last year to bring a baby home. My husband needs this.  He needs a new fire.  He needs a new light from within.  Let’s face it. You can only get so excited about having a wife. But WE need this. My soul is telling me it’s time. 

The day-to-day emptiness in our home also tells me it’s time.  

More good news? It looks like we may be on our way.  

Maybe we won't beat the injury but we're gonna kick ass as parents. 

LOVE WINS!

Thursday, April 3, 2014

The Miami Project

A while back, a new website on the verge of launching asked me to contribute a story about mixed couples during it's Beta phase. It was something I've never written about, so I enjoyed the challenge. Humanthology is a pretty great website. It's a collection of some truly amazing, heartfelt stories.

My untold story is HERE

And now, they've taken it a step further and allowed contributors to attach a cause that's important to them.

Many Humanthology writers have chosen causes that relate to their story. That makes the most sense. I have not done that.

I chose The Miami Project to Cure Paralysis. There's a groundbreaking (FDA approved) clinic trial happening there right now.

Hope hope hope. 

Because they've allowed me to add this important cause to my story, it's my duty to tell you about it.

I've started with a $250 goal. 100% of what I raise for The Miami Project will be sent monthly to the organization. I'm happy to be able to send any amount. You can donate to The Miami Project HERE

Thank you in advance for anything you can do. If you don't wanna, or can't -- that's perfectly okay, too.

Smoochies.