Nine Hours

My husband just went nine hours off of his ventilator. His ventilator, in which he has used religiously for the last nine months, he didn't use it, like, all day.

Head surgery phase I was in January.
Head surgery phase II was in July.

In between, he didn't want anything to do with vent work and trying to wean. Believe me. I asked. And got some brutal angry-face. But he just wasn't ready. 

He went a month completely off the ventilator late last year when he got tested at a pulmonologist appointment. His breathing strengths were insanely good. His doctors and respiratory staff were blown away and pretty much told us he could probably be without a ventilator and diaphragm pacer, if he wanted to be.

I was scared he wouldn't come back around to doing this. It had been so long. Yesterday, he told me that he was going to try for tomorrow. He totes did it.

I'm overwhelmed with emotion.

You may have noticed, with our specific type of spinal cord injury, there aren't tons of improvement. He still can't move. He still can't walk. There's not a lot going on.

There are, however, plenty of things that can go wrong. And they sometimes do.

People continue to ask us if he's had any movement. Or people not familiar with his situation will wish him a "speedy recovery."  Even though it's a reminder we've gone all this time with no movement, we're kind of in an okay place with where we are.  I mean, do we really have any other option?  Sometimes you have to just find an okay place, I guess.

Are we happy all the time? No.
Do we get upset and sad sometimes with the issues we constantly face? Yes.

This injury sucks. Let's not sugar coat it. It's a sucky sucky thing that sucks.

Quite frankly, an okay place is a good place to be.

So, when the doctor told us that Jimmy's body was physically able to not be reliant on the ventilator anymore, it felt like we had gained some movement.  It really did.

It felt like we weren't so helpless anymore and had something to work on and work towards. 

Today's 'nine hours' brought back that excitement and hope that I had kind of buried away this year.  I secretly thought Jimmy had given up on it and was just too tired.

After head surgery phase II, Jimmy had started feeling better. And after this week's suture removal, I noticed a drastic improvement in his mood, fatigue level.

The other day, Jimmy mentioned how he wanted to get back to doing vent work. He said he didn't want little one pulling at cords and what not.

Heart = smiling.

It's odd to think about my life in this way.  My day was made because my husband went nine hours off the vent.

My definition of happiness has changed over the past three years. For sure.

Note: This blog is not meant to put tons of pressure on you, Husband, to definitely-have to-must wean off all your stuff. Whatever you can do is enough. 
It's meant to notate my happiness and pride for what you accomplished today. 


  1. What a great start back...going so long without after such a long break! I'm so excited for both of you!


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