Saturday, August 30, 2014
Two Month Mark
But now, we've got only two months to go.
It hasn't felt this real. There's something about the two month mark. There was a baby shower. That was real. Some people I love planned a wonderful afternoon and then people actually showed up to help celebrate this baby girl that will be soon coming into the world.
They brought presents. Small little outfits that a little baby will wear. Products to help me take care of her. Equipment to help me soothe her. Toys to help me make her smile, giggle and grab. My walk-in nursery is small, I know, but feels full and cozy and ready for her. It feels like some one's room.
My belly is growing. Ninja-baby is practicing her karate chops and kicks daily. It's very reassuring. I don't hate any of it. Hiccups don't bother me and painful jabs don't bother me. The day-ending belly strain doesn't bother me, although I do miss my old energy level and stamina. I do miss being able to do it all. I'm starting to get to the point where that's just not possible.
My body clearly needs more rest and care than it used to. And being the do-er of the house -- it's quite challenging.
I'm getting more and more tired. And quite frankly, more and more scared.
Two months isn't a guaranteed two months. Who knows when this baby will make it's appearance?
Since we got back from vacation, we've spent the entire time trying to recover. It was a lot. It was wonderfully exhausting.
Jimmy has been dealing with one thing after the next with his injury. Nothing huge, but a lot of little things that have been wearing us out.
So naturally, when the going get tough, the tough get bogged down with an SCI, exhaustion, pregnancy fears and emotions and several other lingering items... the tough get scared shitless.
Eight weeks and some change. Who's counting? And seriously, I don't want to admit out loud how many times I've asked silently to my own brain: what the hell are we getting ourselves into?
I know all the good stuff that is about to happen. I know it's all going to be worth it. I know there will be so much joy. All that crap. I promise I know.
But I'm tired. And, those rough patches that tend to pop up every so often in our lives? There's one now and so I'm whiny. And telling you I'm scared.
Maybe the next two months will fly by with preparations to done, leaving me little time alone with my scary fears and feelings.
It is exciting to think about the fact I'll be able to smell baby smells soon, however.
I know it's the right thing. At this point in time, it just feels so incredibly scary and hard and overwhelming.
I think I need some homemade banana ice cream.